Sign I am Maturing:
After a hard day at work, when grocery shopping, I decided to get a bottle of wine to go with my dinner, rather than the beer I occasionally have. Ok, ok, the Hard Lemonade I occasionally have.

Sign I'm really not:
It was a 5 dollar bottle of wine. And my dinner is frozen pizza and cookies. And I don't actually have a wine opener.

Sign I'm a low IQ alcoholic:
To get my wine open, I put a long screw into the cork, then used pliers to try and pull it out. When this of course just pulled the screw out and messed up the cork, I then tried to use the pliers to just get a grip and pull the cork out straight, which slowly messed the cork up more. Finally, in an attempt to get a solid grip... I ended up pushing the cork into the bottle. Wine exploded all over my kitchen, clothes, and into my eye.

What I have learned:
Wine might sting in your eye, but if the wine is cheap enough, putting the cork into the bottle instead of out of it won't really change the taste. L'Chaim!