I signed up for twitter... mostly so I can stalk celebrities. Ah, Kaley...

I still think getting twitter sounds suspiciously like getting the clap.

I liked the song "Lazy" by Bruno Mars. Then I saw this music video.



Loses points for not being the official video... but still. Spock = Win.

My job is devouring my soul. This, of course, makes blogging easier... but the excessive need for naps that comes with it does not... so here we are.

Note to self: start blogging again tomorrow.

Why don't blind people bungee jump?

Scares the hell out of the dogs.

Skit that shouldn't have been cut from last SNL:


Pretty much sums up my feelings on Justin Bieber, even.

Planning vacations online makes me happy, regardless of whether or not I am actually going to be able to take them.

Justin Timberlake being on Saturday Night Live makes me happy. And I can nearly stand Lady Gaga when she is on Saturday Night Live... though never at other times.

Rap music is proof high school never ends. Some cocky asshole talks about how wonderful he is, then forces some nerd with a computer to put it to a beat, synthesize his voice so it sounds good, and edit it so it all flows well. Then, he takes that, and uses it to get fame, fortune, and women. It's like the captain of the chess club doing the quarterbacks homework all over again.

Religion is like a penis. It's fine to be proud of it. But don't constantly whip it out in public and start waving it around.

Since high school, my friends and I have always added the words "in bed" at the end of every fortune cookie. Today, mine said: You will attain the highest levels of intelligence" (in bed).

Frankly, I'd rather get laid.

Just because you call it hunting, doesn't make it any cooler. You are wandering around the woods hoping to find a mushroom. You're one side of a Hunter / Gatherer society, and it's not the Hunter. It's the side that, for 10 thousand years, has been taking the "only pretty after vodka" girl to prom. When you get done "hunting" for mushrooms, go home, buy yourself a new klingon outfit for the next 'con' you go to, and embrace virginity.

Re-watching the television show Scrubs, I'm realizing how often I quote Dr. Cox.

Ashton Kutcher is taking Sheen's spot on Two and a Half Men. Meaning I can confidently continue to watch it never, and know I am missing nothing. Thanks dude.

Oprah Winfrey is having her last couple shows... something else I don't care about.

HIMYM trying to put some drama into who Barney gets married to is really pathetic. It's obviously Robin, which makes the series starting when Ted met her make sense. I've thought she would end up with Barney for a couple years... since the drama is gone, can we just meet the mother already? More importantly, can we see the last slap yet?

When I look deep into your eyes, I see myself, but tiny and upside down.


Plan for tonight:

1) Alcohol
2) Television
3) Chocolate Chip Cookies
4) Garfunkel and Oates CD
5) Applying for jobs that are better than my current one. More specifically, any job that isn't mine.

Who said who to what now?

I'm always amazed at how sequels always fail to be as good as the original. There are a few exceptions (See Scream 2. Scream 2 isn't an exception, but they are discussed in the middle of Scream 2) However, now that we are trying to make a sequel to a short film we made years ago, I am realizing it may actually be mildly difficult. Of course, brain storming for that leaves me little time to brainstorm for insults for this blog... but if anyone wants to see the first video, here's a clicky:

Molly

Women lie, because that's the only way men ever get to hear what they want.

Sigh. The interwebs conspired yesterday to make it impossible for me to blog. Stupid interwebs, and blog log in systems.

Today is Friday the 13th. More importantly, it's Top Gun day. So I have been far too busy quoting Top Gun to actually think of anything original to say.


Tower, this is Ghost Rider requesting a flyby.
That's a negative, Ghost Rider, the pattern is full.

You just did an incredibly brave thing. What you should have done was land your plane! You don't own that plane, the tax payers do! Son, your ego is writing checks your body can't cash. You've been busted, you lost your qualifications as section leader three times, put in hack twice by me, with a history of high speed passes over five air control towers, and one admiral's daughter!

You're a hell of an instinctive pilot. Maybe too good. I'd like to bust your butt but I can't. I got another problem here. I gotta send somebody from this squadron to Miramar. I gotta do something here, I still can't believe it. I gotta give you your dream shot! I'm gonna send you up against the best. You two characters are going to Top Gun.

She's lost that loving feeling.
She's lo... No she hasn't.
Yes, she has.
She's not lost that lo...
Goose, she's lost it, man.
Come on! Aw sh... I hate it when she does that.

Take me to bed or lose me forever.

Sign I am Maturing:
After a hard day at work, when grocery shopping, I decided to get a bottle of wine to go with my dinner, rather than the beer I occasionally have. Ok, ok, the Hard Lemonade I occasionally have.

Sign I'm really not:
It was a 5 dollar bottle of wine. And my dinner is frozen pizza and cookies. And I don't actually have a wine opener.

Sign I'm a low IQ alcoholic:
To get my wine open, I put a long screw into the cork, then used pliers to try and pull it out. When this of course just pulled the screw out and messed up the cork, I then tried to use the pliers to just get a grip and pull the cork out straight, which slowly messed the cork up more. Finally, in an attempt to get a solid grip... I ended up pushing the cork into the bottle. Wine exploded all over my kitchen, clothes, and into my eye.

What I have learned:
Wine might sting in your eye, but if the wine is cheap enough, putting the cork into the bottle instead of out of it won't really change the taste. L'Chaim!

I'm going through hockey withdrawals. I know, the playoff's are still going. But I hate all the teams still playing for various reasons. I want my Blues playing again. Or my Irish. Why can't the sports world revolve around me!

How do stupid people rise to the top in so many organizations? For instance, the US Government. Another example, the administration at the college I attended. It's almost impressive, how incredibly dysfunctional the world is.

If you are politically correct, you're a douchebag.

Another question for my "Perspective Voter Qualification Exam" (PVQE from now on) from yesterday: "Properly spell at least 4 days of the week." If they can't, NO VOTING!

All of the cool people, as well as a bunch of Michael Bolton fans, have already seen this video, which came out Saturday night:





I'd just like to say that I was a fan of The Lonely Island back when they made Awesometown (look it up). I told all my friends about them, and the random quotes of "And the coconut for best beard on the island goes to:" or "Who invited Steve?" are still thrown around my group of friends, as a result. Their new album comes out tomorrow. I may actually spend money on it.

On the topic of people I started following early, I'd like to get on record now of saying Leah Gauthier is going to be big as well. She has a blog, keepinitleal.blogspot.com , that I have been following for a long time. She is a completely different type of entertainment than The Lonely Island (she talks of writing a television pilot.) However, I think she will make it big someday, in that way. I'd say she'll be the next Chuck Lorre, but I have no idea if she would think of that as a compliment, and I really hope she doesn't get fucked by Charlie Sheen.

On the flip side of liking people, am I the only one who wishes Donald Trump would just shut up, and not be on tv or the news? Who actually watches his shows, let alone says "Yea, I would vote for him for President" when taking a poll? He's a richer, slightly less attractive version of Sarah Palin. Are we that desperate of a country? I love this country, and the idea of democracy, but Sarah Palin, Donald Trump, and Barrack Obama all represent different but valid arguments against letting people vote. We need some sort of questionnaire people must answer before voting. For instance: Have you ever chanted the words "Jerry, Jerry, Jerry" or been in a fight on stage while the audience did? If the person answers yes, DON'T LET THEM VOTE!

Today is Mother's Day. Be sure to thank the person who got knocked up 9 months before you were born.

I'd rather not be in a car accident. But if I am going to be in one, I really hope it's not right after I fill up.

Blogging. Because I didn't create The Big Bang Theory, and thus don't get to write vanity cards.

Things on T-shirts I want to own:

haiku are easy
but sometimes they don't make sense
refrigerator



in ter est ing:
adj. 1. capable of holding one's attention. 2. arousing a feeling of interest. 3. oh god, oh god, we're all going to die.



bazinga



curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!



fighting elves (in chinese)
28

I am a big fan of sleep. I woke up today, showered, watched Big Bang Theory (I knew I should have given my pope the jet pack!)and then slept another 8 hours. I just came in from a BBQ... and now I am going to go back to sleep for another dozen. Am I wasting my life away... or are all of you people who waste time being awake doing so? I don't know. I think about it during my shower in between naps tomorrow.

So today, in a joking sort of argument (that I of course was winning) a girl told me "It doesn't have to make sense, I have boobs." I'd like to rail against the unfairness of this, the stupidity, the sexism... but my testicles have informed me I really only have one thing to say to that.

Touche my boobed friend. Touche.

So, I went playing laser tag tonight for the first time in years. And let me just say, it was AWESOME. Granted, half the reason I wanted to go play was because of watching Barney on HIMYM play... but it exceeded all expectations and NPH proclamations of legendary-ness. It probably would have sucked going without a group of similar losers also my age... but I admit, destroying the little kids was a blast too.

Anyways. Exhaustion now claims me.

You know the good thing about working 16 hours with poorly behaved teenagers, getting home, and knowing you only have 6 hours to sleep before you go back to work with them again?

Yeah, me neither.

I'm not sure who pisses me off more. The suddenly uber patriotic people who were pissy about everything to do with this country last week... or the "christians" looking down on everyone for "rejoicing in someone's death."

I attended a college graduation today. And as I sat, trying to remember what was said at my high school graduation, or my college graduation, I realized I remembered none of it. So, I tried to come up with what I would say, for a commencement address, should I ever be asked to give one. This is what I came up with so far:



Maybe it needs work.