We ordered dinner & drinks, had our salads, and then she went to the restroom and didn't come back. I should probably be upset the date didn't go well, but hey, maybe she's still in there and any moment she is going to come out, and suddenly I'm the asshole for not waiting long enough. It's what I get for planning a date on a Thursday when I had to work this morning.

So, my trip started on a Sunday. I left Minneapolis/St. Paul airport, and met up with two friends, Nat and Jeff, at the airport in NYC. Together we traveled to Moscow, where we had a layover. Moscow's airport was plenty nice, and many things were also written in English, at least in the international terminal. For instance: much like an american vending machine, they had a juice dispenser. Large on the front what I assume is the Russian word for juice, "cok" while on the side was the English word, "juice." Of course, if you looked at it from the corner as we did, you saw a vending machine of "Cok Juice."

The trip, combined with the time change, meant we arrived in Kiev on Monday. Meeting the bride and groom at the airport, we took a taxi to their apartment where we were staying the night. We wandered around locally for a short time, exchanged money, got a feel for the city, and saw a Chernobyl monument near their place. After the groom's sister and brother-in-law arrived, we took the subway into town and got to see some of downtown Kiev, which was quite nice. That night we fought the jet-lag to stay awake as long as possible, chatting for several hours, with many laughs. We even spent some time reviewing an English/Russian phrase book. The "Romance" section was particularly interesting. It had "pick up lines" like "I don't normally come here" and useful romantic phrases like "harder, faster." The favorite romantic phrase, and what became a re-occurring joke for the week, was "I'll just finish this myself." ;)

Tuesday, the grooms remaining family arrived. We once again went into the city via subway, to see even more of Kiev, and drop our stuff off at the hostel were we spent the night. It was interesting, girls in Kiev were generally quite attractive, and what's more they seemed to get rather dressed up (by US standards) for just going about their day, which further increased how attractive they seemed. One such stunning girl was on the subway with us on our ride into Kiev. I got a smile from her, and decided to try and talk to her... but took some time working up the courage to hit on a girl sitting, as she was, on a subway between my best friend's father and grandfather. My friends translated for me the phrase 'Nice boots' to start with... but I of course assume it was something more like "nice boots, let's have sex." I did work up the gumption to say that (the "nice boots" part) to her, in English, as I got off the train, and got a huge, gorgeous smile. Not bad for day one. "Nice Boots" then became a oft-used euphemism for pretty girls, and me, the lone-single of the men, getting to know them.

Wednesday we spent more time touring Kiev, which again, was just a great city. In the late afternoon, we were picked up by another groomsman, Andrey, who was recently returned from a business trip to the US. We spent the night at his house, getting to meet his family. Andrey knew Jeff from Thunderbird/PUC, and Nat via Jeff, but I hadn't met Andrey previously. He was obviously from the get-go someone who was a kindred spirit and close with all of my best friends for good reason, and it was wonderful to finally meet him. His family was simply awesome. Despite having a 3 month old, his wife graciously fed us and helped hime take care of what basically amounted to a few more children in Nat, Jeff, and I (thanks to the language barrier).

Thursday we rented a car and spent most of the day driving down to the Black Sea, where we stayed in one of Valeria's parents apartments. It was gorgeous, the apartment, the view, the sea... I can't say enough about how amazing beautiful everything looked. Jeff got some good news he had been hoping for that night, and we celebrated with some drinks, and a late night walk down to the Black Sea and a swim.

Friday we took the scenic route to the resort where the wedding was to occur. We stopped at the top of a nearby mountain, with gorgeous views overlooking the Black Sea. We also drove through Yalta (where FDR, Churchill, and Stalin had their infamous WW2 meeting). The resort they were married at was similarly beautiful looking. I'd wax-eloquent, but I feel adjectives are losing effect to explain how stunning they beauty around us over there was. Friday afternoon we had a wedding rehearsal, and got to meet the bridesmaids and many of the wedding guests. We taught them some American Football, Nat and Jeff brought out their guitars for some social lubricant inspired sing-a-longs of everything from "Hey Jude" to "Rapper's Delight." We then danced and drank late into the night, starting the celebration of the upcoming nuptials.

Saturday was the big day. The legal wedding occurred earlier in the day, in the nearby town. While Brent and Valeria were in the courthouse, Jeff, Andrey and I bought some little prank items for their honeymoon suite, which we later decorated with balloons, diapers, and condoms. After some post-courthouse pictures. We then went back to the resort, and held the actual ceremony. It was outside, beautiful, and... well, I can't really describe it, it was just right. The reception was great fun, from the Sinatra accompanied meal, to the toasts (this time with minimal tears from Nat or I), to the kidnapping of the bride (who we won back in part via dance-off) and later the groom (who the bride got back after, in part, correctly identifying my nose and calf as American-feeling), the contemporary dance one of the bridesmaids treated us to, even our performing of "Stickshifts and Safety Belts" went off without sounding terrible; and we all danced into the wee hours of the morning. A lovely group of people having a lovely time together. A great start to what I'm sure will be a long and happy marriage between Brent, aka BJ, and Valeria.

After a fond farewell to everyone, Sunday we spent the day driving back to Kiev, got a few hours of sleep at Andrey's, then flew back to the States all day Monday, and yesterday morning I made it from JFK to home here in the midwest. I made so many memories, and this quick day-by day recap fails to really describe or point out any of them. But I really just wanted to write out what I did. I had such an amazing time. And recommend Ukraine to anyone who has a chance to visit. I'm hoping to make my way back out there myself soon.

So, I started this blog mostly as a vent for my sarcastic comments and complaints, but since starting to get my sarcasm out in other forms, it's fallen by the wayside. However, I feel like talking a little about my recent trip to Ukraine somewhere... so why not here?

 I had an amazing time. I had two best friends throughout my formative years, Nat, whose wedding occurred just over three years ago, and Brent, who's wedding was the point of the trip. Everyone who knows me has heard Nat and BJ stories, and this trip provided plenty more laugh filled occasions to of similar standards. Hopefully, over the next couple days, I'll get up the gumption to explain why phrases like "I'll just finish this myself" or "Nice Boots" will evoke a smile from me from now on.

 A few random observations on Ukraine: It's beautiful. We spent the first part of the week getting to see Kiev. Kiev was a lovely old city, with evidence of both the former USSR influence, as well as the fact it's clearly changed since then. (For anyone entirely unfamiliar, Ukraine is as modern as anywhere else in Europe or North America.) We also spent a night overlooking the Black Sea, which was gorgeous. The wedding itself was at an lovely little resort, near a town but just far enough away to feel remote and be surrounded by nature.

 The stereotypes about Russian's and their vodka hold true in Ukraine. It was cheap, it was smooth, and it was flowing, both the night before the wedding and at the reception. The people were all very nice, though walking down the street there were many more sullen looks than I am used to in Madison. Getting around Kiev was easy if you don't mind subway's and a little walking. US money can be stretched a lot further there than it can here.

I found it interesting how obvious it was to everyone around me that I was American. From the plane on, I would hear the people in front of me constantly being spoken to in Russian, then as soon as someone looked it me, they switched to English. At one point, walking in Kiev, I heard someone walking past us speaking Russian to a companion, only to say "Excuse me" to me, despite not even seeing my face, as he walked past. I was nearly overjoyed to finally blend in, on the plane ride back, when a steward passing out drinks asked me a question in Russian, then switched to English only when I responded in the same.

 This post is getting a little long in the tooth, and I'm still jet-lagged. But I'll post about actual experiences sometime soon. Overall, as a general statement though, I highly recommend anyone who has a chance to spend some time in Ukraine.

"Was there an original thought to be thunk? Or was he forever doomed to be an emulator, or worse, a regurgitator? And if he was, so what? Doesn't every college sophomore majoring in English because they have no freaking clue what to do with their life know that disdaining the derivative is the height of unoriginality? More importantly, what was the likelihood that he could keep writing without landing on even one declarative sentence? And why did he use the idiot word "thunk"? Is he actually an idiot? Or is he wildly clever? Will we find out one day? Who knows? Who cares? Should he continue trying to write a blog when he has a raging flu and is so heavily intoxicated from a potpourri of over-the-counter cold medications that he keeps referring to himself in the third person?

Probably not."

Doing dishes makes me want to make brownies. It's a real circular problem.

I did dishes last night, making my breakfast of leftovers this morning both delicious and unhealthy.

Sigh. First Jewel Staite gets married, then Natalie Portman; now Kaley Cuoco is engaged. Life sucks.

Thank goodness Yvonne Strahovski and Emma Stone are waiting for me.

Time keeps flying by, and it's hard to get back into writing something every day...

But here is something I HAVE to share:

http://muchadothemovie.com/